I have a bad case of the chronic hicups!!

RJ has lately had a real healthy appetite but he eats so much and then he gets the hick up's and then his food comes up. I think this is pretty common but it's still painful to watch him spit up that much. I know it always hurts when I throw up. I wonder if he is sick? He started to up chuck a little yesterday which has continued today. Anji said that he has been real cranky....and I got a little taste of it when Anji left me to go running. RJ chilled with me for the most part but a half an hour before he was suppose to eat he got an attitude with me and wanted to eat right then. I put him off for a bit but I can only take so much crying RJ. So I started to make a little din din for him...and the next thing I know the little stinker is passed out. So I pulled some tricks that Aimee taught me and took off his little jumper and waited for him to get uncomfortable but more importantly ....AWAKE! He opened his eyes and looked at me like...."hey man....it's cold in here!" So I started to feed him and towards the end of the bottle he started to doze off again even with his jumper off. Well I went up stairs to change his diaper and then lay him down for a nap. Mom came home and I made dinner and right now I am listening to you cry....you are so much different then you were a week ago. A week ago I couldn't keep you awake for 10 minutes! Now it seems you won't go to sleep. Well I hope that you are able to sleep good tonight...if you don't I am pretty sure you are sick.

(Just to warn you cute RJ stuff is over and now its just boring Ryan stuff so turn back now!)

I started to take my blogs and put them in a book that will get published on Blurb.com. I am real excited for the book...I am loving it! I don't know what it is but something about making this book ....its just a lot of fun. In a way, I have always been self conscious about my spelling, and probably the biggest reason is I am embarrassed of my handwriting. On my mission, I did a little bit of journaling but for the most part I did audio tapes....lots and lots of audio tapes. I don't think I ever got over my second grade teacher trying to read my letter to the class but unable to do so without me interpreting for her. Nice handwriting starts early and my teacher would always say..."As soon as you finish the assignment you can go out to recces".....of course I am going to burn through that assignment as fast as I could....recces is way more important than good handwriting at that age. Another thing....no one could have ever reasoned with me about the importance of good handwriting at that age. My brain wasn't capable of understanding anything more than, FAST WRITING=MORE PLAYTIME!! So maybe this book allows for me to be able to express myself in a safe way that I won't be to embarrassed by. It's kind of spendy...I am putting together the 10X13 landscape one but it looked like the best one to display all the pictures I have and also my thoughts. I have a tendency to avoid paragraphs and forget words here and there...and do a lot of this stuff ........instead of making full sentences. I think I write like I talk.....just go'in for it sometimes floundering all over the place. I know that this might be a rallying point for all the people that love me and want to help me to change....I have finally seen the light!! He knows he is an idiot!! We can help him!!....but atlas....no. I like my idiot self. Its me and and I like me. Who knows maybe with age my mind will slow down...and I will be more coherent and I will be able to not like the sound of my own voice so much. Maybe that's it! This book is an ego thing. My proof to the world that I exists and I matter! Maybe this is a glimpse into my own father's life....with his obsession to do all the genealogy work that he has done.

K....another real fear is this. I wonder if I am going to spill my guts this much when I have more than just RJ in my life? And if I don't....later in life I wonder if they will think that I didn't love them as much as I do RJ? I think many parents go through this with there first born. I had some people laugh at how we take pictures of everything RJ does and can automatically tell that this is our first born....and exclaim how after having a few more you won't have anytime to document and capture every moment of their lives. Its all true I am sure....but for any future kids of mine....I love you just as much as RJ! He just got a little lucky coming first thats all. I was a middle child and believe me....I wouldn't trade it for a second for the postion of being first born. Man, just think of all the things we are going to learn not to do with RJ....practice makes perfect and even though he may have a more complete baby book than you....you guys just might have it better in other areas.